To Where I Belong
by PurplishBlue Heiress
Summary: [Tales of Eternia] "I wasn't even this conflicted for the past weeks because I have to choose!" His expression drastically changes into a mixture of pain and frustration that she's never once seen from him. "But because I know since the very beginning-" He clutched the fabric at his chest, tending the painful beating inside. "-that I will always choose you!" [KeelexMeredy]


I know. This game is almost 2 decades old but it just keeps coming back to me!

Hi! If you're reading this, then probably you're replaying the game. It's freaking 2019 and I just decided to write a story about it after 20 years. I don't care if I don't have readers. I just want this story to exist since it's always in my head.

Little drabbles would help me. Who knows? Maybe someday I might write something more than a one-shot, right?

AU-ish. Since it was unclear in the game, well for me since I don't know some details, when the cut-scene where Reid and the gang crossed Celestia through Van Eltia exactly happened, for this story I will just assume it's after some 2-3 years, depending on how I will write this. Well, Inferia also needs its rehabilitation due to the damage of the Grand Fall, and the two worlds were separated now. It wouldn't be easy for the Van Eltia to just travel across like _zwing_.

Also, I noticed in the game that even though you wear an orz earring, some Melnics words were being spoken, and on purpose. I assume that Celestians can purposefully use Melnics in some way, despite the orz earring.

And lastly, this story is kinda based on a Japanese novel I've seen on pixiv (You wouldn't wanna know how much I suffered in trying to translate them for my own satisfaction) and it was sooooooo good I wanna have a version of mine posted here in FF. If you see some similarities, then credits to the owner! (The name of the novel was "Home")

WARNING! VERY VERY long chapter! (I was thinking if I should do this as multi-chap but nah)

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Tales of Eternia.

* * *

**TO WHERE I BELONG**

* * *

The world of Celestia has never been too cold for Keele until now, he realized.

It was late in the evening, yet there he was, sitting calmly on a rather too-soft couch of his Celestian friend's home. A cold fruit juice was placed still between his hands, seemingly uninviting by his rather confused mind. It was eventually placed quietly on the coffee table in front of him, his gaze mirroring that of a lost child.

The rehabilitation of the town of Imen had gone smoothly for almost two years, or rather in an impressive progress Keele would say. Everything is done, even better than the structure before its destruction, and the community was living normally as of now. He's been here in Celestia for three years now, long enough for him to learn the basic yet essential Celestian lifestyle and even adapt to its environment like resistance to cold and spicy cuisines. It wasn't perfect, but at least he was living.

Living.

Keele wasn't sure if it's the right word for his situation right now. Many bizarre things had happened to him during his stay in Celestia; new experiences he didn't expected nor never wished to happen to him. It was beyond his limits, his knowledge, and he was surely surprised to even survive some extreme cases where he wished he would just die. And what made it worse is that his intelligence and mental capacity, where lies his form of strength, could not even do anything about it. It was out of his reach.

But that was in the past. And currently, he was actually happy. But something inside his seems to contradict every positive thought and kept bugging him.

He closed his eyes and focused firmly, organizing his thoughts.

How did he even come to this? He was so confused.

All his life, he was very sure of his decisions in life and never even doubted every action he has done. He was a very careful person, well, logically speaking, and he ensured that every option are thoroughly observed and calculated before he executes them, where even the tiny details cannot escape. He would connect two and two together in the quickest time possible, his mind working like pieces of puzzles put one at a time in constant speed. He only considers the best option and there was no room for mistakes. He wasn't a student in Light Craymel Department for no reason.

That's why it doesn't make sense. He never felt this conflicted.

But he'll sort it out. He has to.

* * *

At first, it was strange. But, it's okay.

To think that he fell down to the other side of the world, separated to where he should be, and first see that the upside-down world of Inferia was nowhere to be seen, should have triggered a sense of anxiety to him. He should be standing right now, running in circles, spouting noises about being far from his world. But, it wasn't the case. He did the first two, but for the sole purpose of finding _her._

He remembered how she laughed at him, and how flustered he was when she told him she was just behind the huge rock he woke up beside with. He defended himself, face flushed with fists clenched, and ended up stopping midway when he noticed her staring up the sky. That's when he became aware of it. He followed her gaze and saw that Inferia wasn't there.

He didn't panic, but it was strange. It was like he didn't know what to feel.

There was something at the back of his head that told him he had seen this coming, during the time Reid suggested to break the Seyfert's core. He knew he would have to choose the moment she finalized her decision, and he chose to be by her side instead. There were multiple reasons to do it; equal support, Reid and Farah can handle themselves, someone to look out for her; but if Keele were to be asked in all honesty, he'd say that he'd just done that because he simply chose her. He was given a choice, saw her, and chose her without even looking to the other option. It was just that.

But to actually realize that a huge part of his life has disappeared right in front of his eyes, he can't help but feel a little sense of doubt to his choices.

That time he felt cold hands touch his and he sharply turned his head towards her, her face a mixture of sadness, guilt, and apology, all for him. He understood right away, and his reaction might have been too obvious about the matter, reassuring her that it was okay. That he was okay. But he knew to himself that he was lying, not because he wasn't, but rather he didn't know how.

But it sure is strange.

That very day they went to Imen, where houses and shops were extremely damaged due to the slight collision of the orbus barrier to the surface of the world. It was very bad that people, who came from different regions, have to set-up tents to have shelter on, some still being made due to their number. Regardless, said people cheered for them the moment they saw them, shouting and dancing like it's the best day of their lives. Keele tried to step aside, but unfortunately didn't escape their grasp.

That night they shared a tent, which was willingly made by the Sagura, where Keele ended up fidgeting on his position. Beside him was her, who was unusually quiet while staring at the gap between the fabrics of the tent. It wasn't long for Keele to realize what's going on in her head. They talked it out, her sharing her thoughts regarding the events that had happened, mostly about her just-deceased mother. She was trying to conceal her sorrow, not wanting to worry anybody especially him. But Keele was aware. He understood her transparently.

And when she opened up about his side of a story, she can't contain it anymore. She blurted out silent apologies and blamed herself for his situation. Midsentence, she started crying, successively wiping her tears with her arms and hands. It was almost too painful to watch, and slightly annoying due to the blaming part, and he resolved it by pulling her by the head and onto his shoulder, saying "Stop being stupid. I told you we will always be together, no matter what." which was effective since she stopped sobbing. Then everything happened too fast. She was hugging him, half-crying-laughing, saying that she wouldn't mind being with him forever, either. He blushed in embarrassment, but he was glad. Also, her face was too funny too ignore.

Normal days went by. The rehabilitation of Imen started days ago, and the progress was great. Keele calculated that if it went well like that constantly, Imen will be reconstructed within a year and a half or two. Also, Shileska was cooperating, providing extra materials needed for the construction. Keele, since physical strength is his weakness, handles the planning team. Occasionally he would ask about Celestian engineering to further understand its logic, and then he would share his Inferian knowledge for his contribution. She, on the other hand, was part of the kitchen staff, serving food and beverages for the people. All in all, people of Imen were in sync and were doing great.

The little tent they live on became their little world. They still have their childish arguments, from bulb lights to Celestian cuisines, so often that townsfolk would just laugh it out when pillows were being thrown out of their little home. There were also a lot of teasing, mostly from her part, were Keele ended up flustered or defensive, but always the loser. They also talked about the bed, where Keele insisted that she takes it while he will just sleep on the ground, a contradiction to her part where it was fine for her sleeping beside him. This time, Keele eventually wins. The thought of them together sleeping on the same bed somehow scares him.

Two months later, some houses were near finished, but the particular one, which was hers, was ready to go. Sagura, together with the new townsfolk, served it as a thank-you gift for the both of them, being the heroes of the world. Bonz happily led them to the entrance. The interior was complete, enough to be used as a shelter for the both of them. Still, the exterior was on the process, but they don't mind. What matters most is the reconstruction of the entirety of Imen.

Keele has this habit of observing his surroundings. Celestia was truly fascinating. During his stay he would wonder about many things, like the common behavior of the people, their way of perceiving things, and how Celestian things even work. Sometimes he would drag her out of the house just to get in the library, which was a very large tent just beside the reconstructing one, and present her books to help him decipher the language. She would help willingly, to his convenience.

But it seems like his good observation skills did not only detect the good side of things, but also the opposite. It was no doubt he was 'out of this world' and he cannot please all people at once. It all started when some people, especially the new ones, will occasionally look at his way, or will stealthily talk about him using Melnics on purpose. Some would try to make fun of him by not possessing an elara, or how his skin was so pale compared to them. Being a scholar, he was definitely aware that these people weren't used to having an Inferian in their place. Yes, they were still good people, but he has this idea that people, when they see something different, tend to compare themselves to that thing. And it's their choice how they would deal with that. Anyway, it wasn't him to deal with it and he could care less. For him, the world of Celestia is new environment, thus new knowledge that he will happily explore for the sake of learning and truth. He wouldn't let some confused people affect him. Besides, majority of the people are good to him.

And also, he has her. What could go wrong?

But as time flies, new memories were being made, and Keele can slowly see the difference. Sometimes he would find himself standing just beside her while she talked to others with their strange way of communication, completely left out. Also, when he was in the Library without her, he would find himself rather frustrated on how he was so clueless about their language that he can't even decipher what's written on those books. And worse, it was in the times of her absence that Keele realizes his dependence to the said girl, which was becoming convincing over time. This urges him to start handling things all by himself if needed.

The moment he opened his eyes fully about the seriousness of his situation, reality hit him.

Something strange was happening to him, he knew it. There was like… something blank within him that was waiting to be filled in. And this 'hole' intensifies whenever he felt… alone. Before, he wouldn't mind the differences between him and everybody, but when he realized over time that _she_ was also one of them, the feeling of uneasiness just suddenly showed up out of nowhere. He extremely felt out of place, like he doesn't even belong there.

In other times they will travel to Luishka to visit Galenos, and the familiar strange feeling would churn inside him as he witness some… some familial relationship between the two. The natural interactions, the genuine faces, it was too real it weirdly hurt him. And he would be standing there every time, a huge display at the corner, acting like one of the audience watching those overpriced theatrical play about the familial love between a father and daughter at the Royal Playhouse in Inferia.

Inferia.

Few months have passed and weird habits were being made. Occasionally, Keele would find himself dreaming about the hot bright sun, the blue sea, the sand, Rasheans, flashes of red and green, the familiar faces of… And he will suddenly wake up sweating up and with a fast heartbeat. Sometimes he would light a fire instead of using electricity just to feel its natural warmth. He would even try absurd things, like blowing the skin of his hand or opening the windows of the Craymel Express, which was impressively renovated, just to feel what wind felt like. But oftentimes he would find himself staring above the dark sky, where Inferia was once upside down, and something would curl right away in his chest, twisting like merciless strings.

Sometimes he would also notice that whenever he looks at her, unpleasant familiar images would flash in his eyes. One moment she was smiling at him, and in a blink of an eye, the picture will turn into her with her back at him, being surrounded by dark element, and he would blink again to see that it was gone. It kept happening to him, which made it hard for him to even just look at her.

One time she noticed his strange behavior, and Keele answered coldly, surprising her greatly. But she kept on asking, where Keele showed no doubts in avoiding, until she mentioned his world, and something snapped inside him. He yelled at her in defense, and she stepped back, unmoving. He was surprised as she was, and his mouth seem to freeze as he watch her shoulders slouch slightly, her face showing bitter understanding, and walked away calmly. The images didn't show up, but he wasn't glad at all.

He was so guilty afterwards. He has been considerate, even kind he would say, to her these past few months, and that was actually the first time in ages since he talked to her like good ol' Keele of Mintch University back in past. And to make it worse, he knew how sensitive this topic was for her, and he chose the worst possible scenario. Due to this, he apologized that night right away, and she has easily forgiven him, but seemingly distant. He didn't feel relieved at all, and strangely, the images weren't even showing. After that incident he tried to ignore all the unwanted thoughts and focused on the present time, if it would make her worry less. It was already bad that she still blamed herself for all that had happened, but to somewhat prove her right is even worse. He needed to be careful, next time. She's all he has, anyway.

He didn't actually think that it was seriously the case.

One day she just collapsed on the ground, the tray she was holding being thrown away with its contents rolling over. Keele stood up in a flash and rushed towards her, kneeling onto the floor as he grabbed her limp shoulders. The image horrified him. She was lying still, but her eyes were open, dull and void of anything. It looks like as if she was-

His mind whirled, the familiar picture forming in his head. For a second he thought he was at Vatenkeist again with the horrifying image of her surrounded by the dark aurora, and this time it was so vivid he thought it was real, and then in a blink it was gone. He felt his heart drop.

Keele carried her without wasting any time. Despite his unfortunate characteristic of having a weak body, he kept moving with his best speed. Sagura tried to help, but Keele dismissed the offer and rushed forward. Time felt like forever as they literally hopped on into the Craymel Express, quite thankful that one of the perks of being heroes was having VIP access to anything, and just sat there like it was the end of the world again. The flashes of the familiar memories kept messing with his head, and sometimes his mind would even bring him to dark scenarios that might have had happened during that time. It was clearer and terrifyingly morbid that his breathing quickened its pace, but he remained calm outside for her.

He brought her to Galenos, who instinctively took the incapacitated girl and performed some tests. Long later Galenos approached him with his brows furrowed together, a conflicted look etched on his face. Keele kept still, trying not to jump to conclusion and readied his ears to listen to him completely. Galenos simpy stated that the dark aurora was still inside her, which would never leave since it was in her blood, and with Nereid being sealed away, the said aurora was also being sealed away and it simply reacted to her consciousness. Keele took it as good news and released a breath of relief, but something about the way the old man look had bothered him not long after.

Then Galenos asked him what happened during the battle against Nereid. Keele stiffened, his gaze turning hard, and the familiar images flashed once again. He told him that everyone has known the story, and it would have traveled fast the moment someone took the chance to talk about it. But Galenos insisted, wanting to know extra details, which he begrudgingly provided after a long contemplation and persuasion.

When he was on the part where she tried to use Dark Aurora to combine with Reid's Divine ones, something he was dreading to explain since he didn't know if he can actually tell him in detailed fashion, Galenos held a finger. He asked more questions about that particular time, where Keele, due to his instinctive curiosity and uncontrolled dread, tried his very hard to answer.

But it was only the first part of the interrogation. Galenos asked right away if there's something that had happened which resulted for her to feel some negative feelings, and Keele instantly froze. He was reluctant for a moment, asking what kind of negative feelings he was talking about when the truth is he was fully aware of what he was asking, but Galenos did not seem to mind and answered his simple question. Sadness, anger, guilt, and Keele stopped him midsentence because he felt like being pricked multiple times with each word. Galenos did not need an answer because his face says it all.

Galenos, satisfied with the information he'd just gained, sat beside him, a forlorn look etched on his face. That did not help with his growing anxiety.

Galenos explained things this time, saying that the increase intake of Dark Aurora during that time adapted quickly to her anatomy. If it wasn't for Shizel interrupting, she would have been broken, but that wasn't even enough for a good news. Since the Dark Aurora has quickly adapted to her body, it became a part of her. And when Neried was sealed away, it simply meant that her whole system acted the same way.

Keele stilled in his seat. He was too intelligent to analyze things that quickly. He did not need further explanation about what Galenos was trying to say.

She will never wake up again.

He stared right at her face, emotionless and unmoving, and to think that she will be like that for the rest of her life was too hard for him to digest. He asked Galenos, almost in a whisper, how it did come to this, and Galenos placed a hand on his shoulder, telling him that he knew it already. His mind clicked at that moment, where everything did connect all together.

It was _his fault_.

He reacted momentarily, body shaking in sheer anger, asking the old man what they should do, and he responded with a shake of his head. Suddenly, the flashing images intensified, and it became more gruesome that Keele had to storm out of the lab, his feet taking him anywhere. When he reached outside, the calming view of Celestia greeted him.

At one point he almost wished it was Inferia.

He suddenly felt so alone.

He knew he would never recover from the news, and the only thing that will help him was to clear his head. He returned nighttime, Quickie on his shoulder, and dared to enter the now-forsaken room; the painful image of her lying on the bed paralyzing him for a moment. He sat beside her, and an image interrupted his thoughts. He flinched, eyes shut closed, and concentrated, trying to clear his mind again. He opened them once again, but the view did not help him at all. He didn't know what to say, so he remained like that. He never left her for that night.

During the first week he can handle staying in the room with her. He would try reading those old stacked books waiting in the corner to buy some time. It covers most of his time, and it help his thoughts wander for a while. But after that it became so dull, the books being written in Melnics did not even help either, and that it hurt him to see her like that. She was unmoving, like a doll on display, with her ever loyal pet sleeping soundly beside her. He can't even hear her breathe. She was so quiet that Keele was so sure she didn't feel like her anymore.

He can't take it anymore. He said goodbye to Galenos and headed back to Imen.

When he got back, he realized it was so different when she was not there. Her house looks much darker. The surrounding was much quieter. Everything felt dead.

It's just an empty house.

He lived with it. He spent time alone in that dark house, stuffing himself with those Melnics books that he tries so hard to decipher. He tried to experiment food with all the Celestian ingredients she has and failed miserably. Occasionally he would visit her, but not longer than a day he would leave right away. While he was travelling he would then drift away with his thoughts, asking dumb questions like how he would last a day in this kind of unfortunate situation. He would then ask himself over and over until it became a habit of his.

Months felt like years for him, and he was losing hope. He can't talk to anyone, not even Sagura. He can't understand the books no matter what he can do. He can't even eat an appropriate food. He stopped visiting her because it pained him. He was living, but he felt so dead.

He leaned over the window and unconsciously stared up the dark sky. It was so cloudy he can't even see a thing. Then something flashed in his eyes, something bright. In a moment he saw the upside-down world, and when he blinked and rubbed his eyes, it was gone. It was all in his imagination, yet he trembled in an instant.

Is it still worth trying to fight for someone who he wasn't sure will come back? Day by day, his grasp to that little hope was loosening, and he was slowly falling down to these particular thoughts he kept hiding at the back of his head. She was his form of comfort zone, and the only one for now, who will always lure him out of his unpleasant thoughts. But now, with her not being there in his situation, he can't help but turn back to his original comfort zone. The one he kept pushing out of his thoughts, he always avoids, and where he truly belonged.

At that moment, the gap between his two options closed, and it's all up to him to decide which to choose.

That night he turned away and headed to the bed, pulling the blankets near him. Everything was so cold that even the blankets can't provide the warmth he needs; physically and figuratively.

One day he went to Cape Fortress, where they first arrived here in Celestia. He tried to feel the place; the cold air, the crisp atmosphere, the smell of the sea; they've become one of his senses over the months, filling his systems with foreign elements he did not expect he would reach. He was glad he had a chance to spend his time here, and he enjoyed most of his time during his stay. But Celestia… Celestia is a whole new world, something he was not prepared for. All this time he was seeking knowledge solely to find what's the truth, but he was too occupied to the infinite access of knowing what's beyond that he didn't consider his humane limits. Yes he's still young, and his mind can still effectively absorb every knowledge he could find in his way, but the true challenge in testing one's limits will always be the strength of one's emotions; the power to keep moving on.

And Keele would never be like that, not here in Celestia. Not without her.

He decided to go back to Luishka for one last time, suprising Galenos with his unexpected visit. The old man started their interaction with a smile, telling Keele he was glad he came for a visit. But Keele had different plans, bowing his head in respect with only one intention in mind.

"Please, I ask of you. I would like to have the blueprint of the Craymel Craft."

Words failed to escape from the old man lips, his eyes boring into him with multiple unspoken feelings. He left without saying anything, went back with the requested item in his grasp, and simply offered it to him.

"You know it might not work."

"Yes, but I have to try."

With the look in his eyes, Keele knew that the old researcher understood him. It was good to know it was the case, but Keele felt ashamed. It was no doubt that to any person's point of view, he was simply trying to find a way to escape; and that he was handing his full responsibility to the good old man. But if he stopped now, everything would be meaningless. He just hoped someday they will understand him.

When he asked Galenos to let him have some private moment with her, he willingly obliged, walking out of the room with a click from the door. It has been a long time since he last saw her, and his breath hitched in his throat. The way she made him feel multiple things at once had always been a wonder to him, including this time. It pained him greatly to see nothing had been different at all, even during his absence. Due to this, the very little hope he had, the one that was persistently holding on, diminished once again. Clutching the blueprint in his hand, he sat by her side. He took effort to prepare his words of goodbye for her, but one look at her and everything he practiced vanished like puff of smoke.

The rehearsed words were now long forgotten, a surge of his emotions forcefully taking control of his mind. He spoke without thinking, "Living without you was kind of hard. It's become so quiet these days." This is definitely not the thing he wanted to say, "To think that you were asleep all day for so many months, it's only acceptable that you get out of the bed now. Don't be lazy." He added.

There was silence, something that should have cleared his thoughts now, but he defiantly continued. "Say, if you wake up now, do you remember my bracelet you keep using every day? You can have it." He offered, a whirling sensation accumulating within him, "O-or I'll rather start eating that chili dish you always cook. It wasn't that bad, it's just too spicy." He continued on despite the ringing in his ears, "I'll even consider a week of cleaning duty. To my room. Every corner cleaned." He still continued, "Or that daily morning run you insist that we do. I-I won't even complain. I promise." He was being stupid, but he can't seem to stop. He continued on, despite the increasing weight in his chest.

He leaned over, taking a closer look at her face. "You can even sleep beside me from now on." He took her hand, unable to control anymore. He squeezed it tight. "All you have to do is wake up." He whispered gently, "Please, y-you have to wake up."

"Please, just wake up. You have to-…Please, I-…"

"I need you."

Despite the sincerity of his words and the emphasis of his context, she only responded with dead silence. That was enough for him. He stood up and kissed her forehead, his form of last goodbye.

He headed straight to the modern city of Tinnsia after that. He was first seen by Ayla, and was later on greeted with Max with much gusto. It was good opportunity, and he immediately asked for their assistance for the construction of the Craymel Craft. Max was surprised, asking about _her _straightaway. He was silent at first, but eventually, and hesitantly, told him the story as simple and as quick as possible. Max could only pat him on his back.

Due to his connections, Max has easily contacted enough engine planners and designers to help Keele. He was delighted by this, and once he met the engineers, also with some of Shileska's finest architects, they immediately started the negotiations.

At first, the discussion was going smoothly, the assessment of the blueprint being conducted meticulously. They pointed out the materials needed for the construction, even the time duration of the process, until one of the engineers brought out the topic of the separate worlds. They still haven't conducted exploration outside Celestia as of now, and with Inferia being much farther than before, the effectiveness of the Craymel Craft would be questionable. Also, they would need to upgrade some parts to increase its stability and durability, which isn't easy. Another case was the unavailability of some materials needed. Celestia has its own endemic species in certain places, but due to the worldwide damage, some of them have critically diminished, and that there is no definite answer if they would become available again.

But Keele was persistent, asking them to proceed with the construction despite the risk. He didn't also even care about the time and that he would wait, even for a long time, for the completion of the machine. For the scarce materials, he would willingly lend a hand in finding an effectual alternative, and all they have to do was tell him the details. People around him looked at each other, seemingly communicating with their eyes, and they eventually agreed. Also, they told him that he didn't need to stress himself in finding for the alternative, and that it would be a job for one of their best researchers. Keele had taken this as an insult, telling them that he was effectively capable, and they quickly apologized for the misunderstanding. They eventually told him that Max had given them some details about the… reason… and that they only wanted him to relax until the day of his departure has come. Keele had become quiet after that. To lift him up, they told him that they would surely contact him if something went wrong, and if they needed extra knowledge when things get complicated. Keele nodded his head in approval.

Lastly, they explained to him that the possibility the machine's successful construction was still uncertain, and that he should not hope for the best. He understands, and he's willing to take the risk.

He stayed in Tinnsia to keep up with the updates. Despite the agreement between them, Keele would still involve himself within the working hours, and they don't actually mind. The construction was no easy feat, with the engines being extremely complex and particular parts being too intricate. Many of the materials were under scarcity, and Keele was having multiple full nights to research for an alternative. Tests were being made, and most of them were failing miserably. They kept working hard, until one by one they started resigning, and all that was left was a few of them.

It was hopeless.

The Craymel Craft was almost complete, but the most essential part, a special type of ore, was no longer available. Keele had already conducted a research on it, but the ore cannot be found, and that an alternative was impossible. The operation was stopped, much to Keele's utter disappointment, and that it would only resume once the ore was found. He wanted to yell at them, tell them that they have to continue, but with almost everyone wanting to have a rest, he had no other choice.

The researchers told him that they would not stop on the search of the ore, and that the engineers will immediately go back to work when said ore was found, but Keele was sure it was an impossible task. If he can't even find it, how can they? In Inferia, he was known for his persistence and stubbornness. If said persistence died out during a particular task, then said task was impossible to accomplish. And right now, with all possibility being assessed inside his head, he finalized everything and concluded that it was hopeless. The Craymel Craft is not possible, just like what Galenos have said.

It was meaningless, afterall.

The failure of the operation made it hard for him to appreciate things. Though he was given a warning, Keele hoped for the betterment of things. He became patient, and really worked hard, so that when the hardwork paid off, he will feel like he deserved it; that it would at least make him feel better. But with the desired outcome being reversed, it became worst. It inflicted too much emotional damage that the moment the things were finalized in his head, one very important emotion was mercilessly taken away from him.

Hope. All hope was lost.

Due to disappointment, he left Tinnsia and came back to Imen, but this time it was different. The way he perceived things has become dull. He noticed that the house has become so dark and quiet, not even a slightest noise was heard. The thought of her not being here even added to his emotional struggle, but he didn't show it. He let the emotions consume him, albeit silently, because he doesn't even give a damn anymore.

Since then, he stopped caring about everything. He spent most of his time to bed, reading some Melnics-written books that he now patiently tries to understand, for the sake of buying some time. Thanks to his learning capacity, the way he absorbs the information was quite impressive. He calculated that maybe after a few months he won't even need an orz earring.

Sometimes he would find himself talking to people, which is obviously not being initiated by him, but he behaved inappropriately like the Keele back in Inferia. He was cold, rude, and does not even take considerations. He was close-minded to almost everything. New townsfolk of Imen came to hate him, but the remaining ones, especially Bonz and Sagura, who witnessed the bond he shared with the certain Celestian knew nothing but to sympathize. She's the only one who can cure him out of his despair.

He barely eats, not even trying to make something edible. He only ate everything out of raw ingredients, take bread for example, and he was fine. Bonz was quite worried, supporting him by cooking home-made food, with the help of other people, when there's free time. At least he's not throwing it away, in his relief.

One time Galenos visited him for a talk, and he was surprised. He barely sees him now since he stopped going to Luishka, and seeing him this unexpectedly brought out too many nostalgic feelings he wished to remain buried for the rest of his life. The look on his face was understandable to the old man, and talked things to him very carefully. Galenos simply wanted to know how he was doing, which Keele uninterestedly answered. He brought up the topic of the Craymel craft, and Keele fell silent. He didn't persuade him after that. He also barely mentions her name, knowing it would only worsen the situation, which was both relieving and saddening to Keele's part. After that, since nothing else was needed for further discussion, Galenos went home right away.

A year slowly went by in Celestia. Keele was never better. A few months ago, Galenos gave him a device, which works like a telephone, so that they can keep in touch with each other. The old researcher told him that it would become handy since the Craymel Express was under reconstruction, but Keele had other plans. Every time Galenos calls him, he would ignore it and will leave it ringing for the rest of the day. He wasn't being rude to Galenos, at least he think he wasn't, it's just that as much as possible he doesn't want to feel attached to anything. Yes, he learned the lifestyle of being a Celestian, but he wasn't Celestian. He wanted to feel at least a little more Inferian like he used to.

Because of all the bad things that had happened, Keele was quite sure that someday he would just forget he was one. And he won't allow that. He has lost hope, but he wasn't going to lose his identity as well.

As of now, during his long stay in Celestia, Keele's capable of reading, writing and speaking Melnics, to some extent at least. He's learned how to communicate using the said language when he sometimes wore his orz earring off, mainly for testing procedures. Somehow, he was doing great, not bad for being an Inferian. And in terms of expertise, he would assume that the level of his skill might even rival that of hers when she speaks Inferian-

Keele halted his movements and sighs deeply, tilting his head up to look at the gray skies. He frowned.

No attachment, purely for survival. That's what he always says.

Then one day Galenos stopped calling, which was rather odd but relieving at the same time. It was a little disappointing, but he shoved the feeling out in a flash. He ignored it like he ignored other things.

He did his daily routine, which was getting boring these past few days. He's running out of books to read, he's learned Melnics, and was almost finished in reading the entire Celestian Craymelology. If everything goes to an end, Keele might even consider leaving Imen for the sake of satisfaction.

But it doesn't need to end like that. It was late evening and he was in the middle of stacking the books he will return to the 24-hour open library when someone knocked rather loudly on the door, which Keele self-handedly built for his privacy. He opened it up, and was quite surprised and rather tensed to find Galenos calmly standing in front of him with a pleasant smile on his face. Suddenly, thoughts of apology came right within his head, but quickly stopped his self and replaced said thoughts with the usual 'No attachment, purely for survival.'

He was about to talk to the old man when something moved at the corner of his eye. His right brow raised in alarm taking a glance over the old man's shoulder. He suddenly felt himself choke on his own spit, shaking his head vigorously to detach the unwanted image of 'purple hair' he had just imagined. Galenos chuckled in amusement, stepping sideways to clear his view.

That's when Keele truly lost himself, his system stopping into a halt. Then a second later it functioned again but this time, it was overdriven. His mind whirled, his heartbeat fast paced, his eyes widened in much extent, and his hands numbed, his books falling onto the hard ground.

"You weren't answering my calls, and the Craymel Express was good as new." It was the only thing that he heard from Galenos before he fainted.

He woke up with a head ache, sitting up. It felt like his head was ripping apart. He wasn't even aware of what was happening, so he squint his eyes and tried to observe his surroundings. He realized he was in his room, dark and cold with a glass of water at the side table. He quickly snatched the glass and drank all of its contents, not even spilling a drop. He never felt so thirsty in a while, but it was enough to wake his senses up. Then right after he placed the glass back on the tabletop did his hand feel something…furry. A familiar fur. He turned sharply on the source, seeing the blue-furred pet sleeping soundly beside him. He unlatched his hand like lightning, the shock suddenly making him dizzy, and tried to lean against the header for support. The intensity increased when he questioned the presence of glass of water that shouldn't even be there in the first place.

He closed his eyes and tried to calm himself, processing everything one at a time. He's having a temporary memory loss and can't seem to remember anything that had happened before he slept. He kept steady; dealing with his own problems like a scholar he was-

"Oh, you are awake." His eyes flashed open-wide.

The very image halted all his movements. One time he was looking at her, with her being all innocent and smiley-face, then a memory of a girl in the middle of the night, staring back at him with those gleaming eyes, with Galenos standing by his side before everything goes black. He thought it was a dream, but the image proved him otherwise, and he starts pulling his hair in frustration, forcing himself to wake up from his hallucinations if possible. She was surprised to see this and rushed to his side, holding both of his hands to stop him from hurting himself.

That's all it takes to grab his attention.

She was far more surprised to see him in close proximity. His hair was longer, his skin was paler, his body was thinner, but it was his eyes that made her stiff. He was looking at her as if she was brought back to death, which is truly the case, and she had never seen him so… so confused before. Sure he was sitting still, his full attention on her, she even noticed the slight raise of his brows, but his eyes betrayed all the façade. She knew why, Galenos has explained the details, but she was surprised to see him to this extent. It wasn't so like him.

But she understands.

Keele was unmoving, his body wouldn't. If it wasn't for the warmth in her hands, he might think that the images long ago had made its way back to his head. But no, she felt _so real_. And to be able to see her face this close again, with her eyes full of life once again, he can't help but just stare in wonder. She was there, holding him.

She was awake.

He took sharp breaths, calming himself from the inside, preventing the all-too-familiar habit he had buried deep and hidden for 12 years. Knowing how fragile the situation currently is, it would only take simple words from her to break him, which he was ashamed to admit, so he has to be ready. He wasn't even prepared for this. Galenos firmly explained to him that they can do nothing to help her, and that they don't have a choice but to bear with it.

Because it's the truth. Keele always seeks for the truth.

She held his one hand with both of hers, pulling him out of his thoughts. He tensed up. He felt his heart beating faster, his head spinning wildly, his vision blurry, but he kept it all. Despite his trembling lips, his twitching eyebrows, and the tightening of his throat, he held it back. He won't let her see that side of him. He shouldn't, he couldn't, he can't-

She gave his hand a firm squeeze. She was staring at him softly, her smile as innocent as ever, but something was different. It was the way she looked at him, the way she stared deep into his eyes, showing how much she cared, and how she understands. "Keele," She simply said.

His defenses broke apart as he released a shaky breath. He then held her like a lifeline, his eyes gleaming with pure longing. He was shaking uncontrollably. His vision becomes blurry.

"Meredy,"

Sometimes Keele would think that it was too good to be true, and that it was a dream where later on he will wake up by the calls of the bitter reality. And every time he thought of that, she will be there, a fond smile plastered on her face, and everything will become vaguer. In other cases she would catch him staring at her, dumbstruck, still cannot believe what was happening. One time, when she sat on the sofa with him, he slid away, a cautious yet pure astonishment etched on his face. She would like to say it was funny to watch, but the story beyond his reaction where great suffering lies, she could only worry for him.

It took some time for Keele to adjust to her presence, and she willingly helped him. She did not force her way to approach him, and waited patiently for him to do the first move. It was very hard for Keele to just approach her. He was scared that maybe his mind was doing its tricks again, and that what he sees was just an apparition. But after a few days he had convinced himself to take some action, accepting possible outcomes whatever it would. It would hurt or not, but it will be the truth. It will be fine. So he took cautious steps towards her, where she was watching with hopeful eyes, and stopped just a meter away from her. He started by touching her hair, and he noticed how she suppressed her laugh at the action. It was so _like her_ to act like that. Then he touched the top of her head, which also felt too real to be an apparition.

He kissed her forehead, something he did out of instinct.

And when he was aware, he jumped back, his face displaying pure bewilderment. She stared back at him, eyebrows raised, with her hand touching the part where the contact has been made. Momentarily, she broke the tension with a smile forming in her face, and then she giggled, "I think Keele missed Meredy too much," She started off, and Keele displayed a beautiful shade of red in his face. "I-Idiot!" He accused, but his body went shaking, and his eyes were becoming misty. The blush wasn't actually from embarrassment, but the overwhelming joy he was feeling at the moment. "Stupid! Airhead! D-dumbhe-!" Before he could finish his sentence, the girl tackled him onto the ground.

And he embraced her back like his life depended on her.

Months passed and Keele was trying to get used to her, and she was being cooperative. They've had this little 'touching game' where she would raise her finger anytime and Keele would have to touch it with his own. Overtime, she would level it up, like raising two fingers, or even a hand, and Keele would have to return it back equally. Later on, she was doing gestures; a high-five or fist bumping. But not only that, she would raise her hand like she was offering it to him, and Keele would bashfully stare at it, until he would eventually hold her hand. It was slow progress, but at least it was still progress. And by the end of their little game, where she was satisfied with Keele's improvement, she raised both of her arms, asking for a hug. He froze, and she was taken aback, but she kept her arms still. She was about to retreat when he moved ever so slightly, slowly approaching her petite form, and circled his arms around her. The contact was light, yet it contained so much affection. The next days had significantly become better after that.

Keele had become comfortable with her after some time, and she was becoming more herself in doing so. One day he was obliged to eat more than three times a day due to her insistence. He agreed, though he was sure she was slowly killing him with too much amount per meal, if it meant making her stop telling him every day that he has become so thin. Also, he let her cut his hair to its normal length, which was a very risky decision to be honest, earning a satisfied squeal from his personal hairdresser. Fortunately, his hair looked normal. He was very terrified of what might have happened to his bangs during the process, though.

He was impressively recovering. She has insisted on going out more often, trying to communicate with the new townsfolk she hadn't met yet. Once time she tried to ask Keele to introduce her to this particular person, the one type who falls down to the category of people who hated him during her absence, which brought utter distress to him. They glared to each other, but when she tugged on his sleeve and tilted her head sideways in confusion, he knew what should be done, even if it's humiliating. He tried his best to disguise his disgust and introduced the innocent Celestian, and the guy just snickered. Keele was fuming, but she never noticed.

He started smiling, even for a bit. There's this dance fest going around Imen, and she insisted on joining. This is for the celebration of complete recovery of the town, and everyone was gathering for a feast. Keele firmly said no, explaining he hated dancing and the crowd. He was pulled in by her, eventually. It was horrendous he would say. She would drag him anywhere whenever there's space she could find to move, she would jump there and twirl here, all while she was holding him so that he wouldn't even leave. Oftentimes he would be used as her partner, making him spin here and there that it drives him nuts. All in all, she was doing all the dancing, and he was just being dragged away like a ragdoll.

He snuck away when he spotted an opportunity and went inside the house, throwing himself on the couch. Not later than a minute she barged in, lips pouting but then sighed in understanding. The music was still blasting outside, and she pulled him up, his face showing pure resignation as he stands, but they just stayed like that. She held his hand up and the other guided his other hand to her waist. He blushed profusely, asking her what she was doing, but she just smiled and started moving. She was guiding him, with him being incredibly flustered, and then he realized she was teaching him how to dance. He would try to break free, but seeing how much she enjoyed this little time of theirs, he would find himself giving in. Surprisingly, he will also find himself smiling and enjoying himself, having a little world of their own.

One day he asked her how she survived. This has been bugging him since the beginning. The way Galenos explained things, he was sure she was over. It made him miserable for a year, anyway. But to his surprise, he wasn't exactly wrong. She told him that it was pure miracle that she woke up. She mentioned that the Grand Fall worsened her condition, where his eyes darkened for a second, and that it had taken almost all of her system. Keele calmed himself, asking her that miracles do not exactly happen so often. She just smiled, and what she said truly surprised him.

"Miracles do not happen when you do not believe and work hard. While I was there, I believed I will survive and I worked hard to get out. That is because I want to live. I want to live for the people I love." She smiled, holding his hand. "Also, Keele would be very very sad if I go away. I do not want that. I want Keele to be very happy always." She squeezed his hand, "Because Meredy want to make people she loves very happy always."

Keele never admired her more than he did until that day.

On a particular day, Keele wore his orz earring off, to her surprise, and started talking to her in Melnics. He felt pride when she looked enlightened at the performance, clapping her hands in delight. She would throw different Melnics words, which was getting complicated as she continues, and Keele would try his best to decipher it quickly and answer in the same medium. He could easily see that she was utterly impressed.

They would try it often, with Keele almost not wearing the earring. He was actually learning quicker with her, his Melnics improving quite more impressively than he was alone. Often times she would suddenly say something, and Keele would confidently answer her without even the need to analyze. Thanks to his overwhelming intelligence, Melnics had become one of his official languages in a span of a year, with expertise she would say.

But there's just this one phrase he can't decipher from her. Sometimes, when he wore his orz earring, she would snatch it and yell at his face some foreign words that were surprisingly Melnics. She will hand the earring again with a mischievous smile, and Keele would demand her, earrings attached, what those words meant. She would always stick her tongue out childishly and run away, leaving him in utter curiosity. One day he got very curious and tried to do his research. She had been telling him those annoying words for who-knows-what times and it had been stuck to his head ever since. So he went to the library. Half the shelves were already read by him, and he didn't even know where to start from the other half. Regardless, he just picked randomly. And frustratingly, he failed to even find them.

Out of frustration, he shouted in the library, mentioning the words and asking Seyfert above what it meant. People inside glanced at him, some were surprised, but almost everyone, to his horror, were amused. He started overthinking that the words were some form of a joke, and he was already plotting what revenge he was going to do on her because of this new-found embarrassment. Fortunately, an old-looking woman approached him, a gentle smile plastered on her face.

He went home that day with his face glowing red. Those foreign words she kept spouting everyday meant something too much for Keele to handle. It was pure ancient Melnics, where the old woman explained to him that it was an emotionally stronger form of Melnics only used to express one's genuine feelings. And to think that she was telling him that everyday did not help him calm himself. One thing for sure is that Keele thinks it was _very stupid of her_!

But later then he realized, after a lot of contemplation, that it was a part of her nature; she, being herself. She was full of… that particular thing. It was one of the things that made her endearing. The word basically describes her. He just can't help but think it was a whole other level, which felt very little nice, since it was a complex word. Something clicked in his mind, and he understood. He was only overthinking about these things, and he doubts that she even meant saying those things that way he interpreted them. It was simply a normal thing to say for her. She was just being herself and that it doesn't mean anything. On second thought, it meant something, not just the type Keele first thought.

Then she took his earring again out of nowhere, yelling the usual words at his face with a bright smile.

He was dumbfounded.

To tell such words to someone with pure genuineness, it was astounding, at least for him. His mind crashed, not even caring what those words actually meant. The only thing in his head right now is that she said the words to him, with utmost sincerity, and something inside him whirled like raging tornado. He was rather flabbergasted that finding out the meaning beyond those words would generate very different reactions from him, but he was surprisingly glad. He won't admit it to her, and he never will, but she was definitely such a _darling_. He blushed.

To return something she deserved wouldn't be so bad, right?

Just like the usual, she would hand over the earring again and wait for him to reattach it and get a reaction. But this time it was different. He was being surprisingly confident, and he never felt this good in a long time, too much that his mind was sent into overdrive. He tried to be as calm as possible and took the earring gently, reattached it, and turned his head away slightly with the back of his hand covering half of his red-tinted face.

"I do, too."

Her face slowly shined in understanding, eyes gleaming in a mixture of sheer surprise and wonder. It was worth it, he thought, as he returned the gesture with a bashful smile.

Overtime Keele found himself staring at her more often, or that she was becoming more noticeable. Whenever he was in the middle of reading, he will find himself distracted by the image of her at the corner of his eye, and he would only notice it when she will look back at him with an automatic smile. Strangely, the insides of his chest would twist, too much that it hurt and, for some reason, was oddly satisfying. He oftentimes returned the gesture with a small smile, but his insides were always in chaos every time.

The townsfolk were very glad that the duo had been doing well for these five months. Keele had regained his original self, with her tailing behind him to everywhere he went. The new residents, who had a bad impression with the midnight-haired boy, have slowly acknowledged him as a fellow resident, and would occasionally talk to him about some stuff, including his 'cute little lady'. She would smile so brightly at them, but the dangerous atmosphere radiating off of the Inferian teen would shadow said radiance, and everyone would take a step back after, all being left unnoticed by the innocent Celestian. Adults would chuckle at the scene in amusement every time, fully understanding the situation.

Keele would sometimes see her wearing his bracelet again, just like the old times. But this time, she never returned it. He didn't mind, the small object was a little sacrifice compared to his other important things, anyway.

She would also often cook the spicy dish, chili potato she would often say, that was too spicy for him to bear. She would tilt her to the side, reassuring him that the amount of red satay was proportionate this time, and he would always choke between his bites every time. He would finish them, regardless.

Also, every morning, she would demand a morning run with him, and he wasn't a bit happy about it. She kept screaming that he needed to be fit, and that the activity would start his physical fitness. Keele ignored her for a while, turning his back at her, and was later on being dragged across the floor. Clad in lose shirt and trousers, they started running, with Keele collapsing after a good five minutes.

The weirdest part, well particularly to him, is her adamant demanding of cleaning his room. They would always argue with that, telling her that she'd never asked him to clean his room, and she would always put a childish face at him, saying something then will cut midsentence, and then eventually would sigh in resignation. It was surprising that that trick of hers was always effective, and thanks to that his room has been the cleanest he ever had in his lifetime.

It was intriguing for him that she kept acting those weird behaviors of hers, not because it was, well, _weird_, but because it felt like he was missing something he should know.

That was the case until one of the most important conversations of his life had happened.

One night immensely surprised him the most. He woke up in the middle of the night with the sight of her, sleeping soundly beside him on the same bed. She was too close he swore he could smell the sweet scent of her flowing hair, and the way she clutched the hem of his sleeve and her hair loosely tangled in his fingers didn't help either.

Face flushed, he sat up straight and threw the blankets, slowly waking her up. He stumbled in his words, saying incoherent things that were too much to her confusion. He bursts after some time, telling her to get back to her room. She stared at him, wide-eyed, unable to say anything. They were like that for a full minute, until she furrowed her brows and crossed her arms, seemingly disappointed. Keele, after calming himself, raised a slender brow, telling her right away that her trick won't work this time. She was surprised at this, her face etched with disbelief, and was about to yell at him when she stopped, took a deep breath and pouted. She folded her knees upward and encircled her arms around it, her face turned away from him.

"But you promised."

She said too quietly that he was sure he would have missed it if he didn't focus enough. He was confused, telling her that he wasn't aware of what she was trying to say. These only displeased the young Celestian more, and he stilled, unable to think of what to do.

Thankfully, she decided to break the silence. "The bracelet, the chili potato, the morning run, even cleaning duty…" She said, "Now, Keele do not even want me to sleep beside him." She trailed off, turning her gaze at him. "Keele said he will do all this if I wake up. You promised."

Keele was speechless, the information sinking in his head and memories rushing in. "You heard me?" He asked, dumbfounded. She raised her brows at the question, telling him he was right, and that she thought he knew.

His heart skipped a beat for some reason, but ignored it silently. He gave her a playful smirk, a cover to his raging anxiety, his arms crossed in defiance despite the fast beating of his heart. "Don't tell me you only woke up because of those promises."

She giggles, the tension slowly dissolving. It was a breath of relief for him. "Hmm… Maybe?" He can't help but chuckle at that.

"But not, actually," She cut off, and her face softened. "Keele's promises… that I do not care."

The cheerful atmosphere didn't last long, but the tension didn't come back. The silence was comfortable, yet the curious mind of his can't take it any longer. "Then how-"

"Meredy told you, already." She pouted childishly, then formed her lips into a thin line. Not long later her pretty violet eyes met his midnight ones, and his breath hitched, unable to form words.

"Meredy want to live for everyone." She slid closer to him, her hands slowly encircling one of his. His heartbeat went faster. "For people Meredy loves."

The twisting inside him intensifies as her eyes fall at his hand enclosed in hers, a fond smile gracing her lips. He was downright frozen, and he could almost feel the tips of his finger getting cold. They've been living together for a long time now, and Keele was quite aware of what he might feel for her. He could still conceal it, but if she continued on like this, Seyfert-knows what he can do to her.

He might not even control himself any longer.

"When I heard Keele's voice," She continued on despite the growing nervousness within the boy. "Meredy knew she has to wake up." She said and he stilled; his eyes even wider than they had been moments ago.

"Meredy- no w-wait…" She cleared her throat, an adorable gesture even Keele can't deny, and stared back at him. This time he didn't panic, his cold fingers turning strangely warm, and the only things he could focus on were those beautiful orbs, despite the distraction caused by his raging heart.

"I woke up because of you." She leaned a little closer, and he can only stare at her in admiration. The inside of his chest were drumming hurtfully against his ribcage.

He broke free.

"I want to live for you."

He kissed her.

It was swift and featherlight, almost not touching, but the small contact snapped him out of reality. He straightened up, eyes wide as saucers and skin paler than they should be. She was staring back at him in the same manner, unmoving from her last position, with wide eyes showing off a strange gleam.

Then she formed her lips into a thin line, but her eyes were smiling. She leaned much closer, catching him off-guard, and gave him another peck on the lips.

This time he immediately reacted, his blood rushing to his face in generous amounts seconds after the contact has been made. He fidgeted in his position, feeling like he was about to cry in a mixture of uncertainty and jovial embarrassment. Her shoulders shook as she let out a joyous laugh, squealing in delight as she blissfully dove at him. They both ended up falling off the bed.

He fainted right away.

Keele has never felt this… important. After that meaningful conversation, something changed between the two of them. The arguments were still there, and they were still the same person, but when the atmosphere kicks in, they will just see it. She often initiates the first move, and he would shyly give in, and the rest was up to them. After some time, the townspeople noticed the different atmosphere, and most of them silently cheered for them, screaming in their heads words along the lines of 'finally!' and 'it's about time!'

He had never been a fan of this side of life, and he never even expected to achieve something as 'cheesy' and 'mushy' as this, he would say, but to actually experience it personally changed some of Keele's negative impressions of the subject. It wasn't actually bad as it looked.

And just by looking at her, he was sure about it.

All his life, he had never cherished anything more than knowledge. Knowledge had given him power that no ordinary person can easily achieve, and that its ways of controlling power were way more effective than the cliché brute strength and overrated acts of kindness. It was his source of strength, the only one that he knew, and that nothing would ever replace its importance in his life.

But with the way things are being taken care of, he admitted that it wouldn't always be the case. He was wrong, and he never felt good being wrong before.

He was happy.

Until one particular day has come.

A single phrase from a person he didn't expect changes it all. One thing from the past suddenly came up; something that has immediately set his emotions in chaos. They just knocked on the door unexpectedly, happily delivering a 'great' news, and that everything was now prepared. He should be happy, but this time it was different. Had it been a year ago, he would rather jump in joy and do cartwheels, but it was _oh so different_.

There he goes again, his mind having to face the same pain all over again. He had forgotten all about it, has become distracted to even care about it, and has lost all hope for it. But it seemed like fate was playing with him again, and this time it was heavier. Heart over mind or mind over heart; he will have to face them again.

"Mr. Keele Zeibel, the Craymel Craft is complete."

He has to choose again.

The news did not escape from her, and Keele was beyond terrified. He remembered the last time something like this has happened, and it made him miserable for a year. He quickly dismissed the topic, gripping at her shoulders and telling her things that would distract her from the subject. Then something flashed in his eyes, the familiar images once again, and he had to shut his eyes and hold his head from the hazy effect.

Ironically, it was her who acted as support for him. She guided him on the couch, trotting to the kitchen to get some cold water, and handed it to him. And when he calmed down, she sat beside him, her small hand placing a gentle touch on his cheek. He stilled, his midnight eyes focused on her violet ones, and saw her smile. She told him that she was okay, and that it would never happen again. His shoulders relaxed, but the conflicted look on his face didn't leave.

They talked about it, where he carefully chose his words for her. He explained to her all the details and she was silently listening, absorbing all the information. And when he was done, her reaction was uncertain. He was nervous for a moment, but then the silence was broken by her gentle gaze, her dark hand reaching for his pale ones.

"I do not have the right to tell you what to do. You… you have to think about it. Whatever you choose…" She gave him a sad smile, something that made his chest clench hurtfully. "I will be happy for you."

His mind whirled at the thought. Two heavy options were waiting for him, each having different futures that will change his life forever. One was for him to open new doors toward the new and strange world, and one that was waiting for him to get back. It was hard, harder than he had anticipated, and he has to choose immediately; what's there or what's beyond, the past or the future, Inferia or Celestia, his life or _her_; He has to choose one.

He has to answer.

_Where do I belong?_

* * *

"Keele?" He was taken out of his thought in an instant. His head snapped towards the source of the sound, the very object of his dilemma standing not too far from him with her innocent stare.

It was too much. He was appalled to think that so many emotions can be triggered by just looking at her. His body felt stiff, his mind went haywire and head was whirling too much that it makes him dizzy. He turned his head away sharply, releasing a gasp of breath he did not realize he was holding.

"Why are you still awake? It's late." His voice came out quite shaky and he mentally cursed. He just wished the girl did not notice.

But being who she was, he knew it was the opposite. "Keele, if it is all about-"

"Meredy, please…" He said desperately as soon as he felt her presence more vividly. Her steps halted, something Keele was both relieved and annoyed with no apparent reason. He would like to say that he was surprised that he felt weight on the couch not too far from him, but he had already assumed so thanks to his recovered mental processing.

It was quiet for a moment, too quiet for someone as tense as him, and then she spoke. "Do you want me to leave?"

"No," He responded rather too quickly. He felt his fingers twitch in frustration, cursing his head for saying something he wasn't supposed to.

He heard her sigh, and he was so sure she would start playing with her hands now because he knows her too much. "Keele can talk to Meredy, you know…" She said quietly, too quietly that Keele knows she was worried for him. He formed his lips into a thin line, his head turned very slightly to her direction. "I just…" He started, "I just need to clear things out." He told her out of guilt. He was making her worry too much that it hurt him.

He was lying if he told himself he was not surprised to receive no response from the girl. She was quiet and still, too much that Keele almost thought he was alone. If it weren't for the weight on the couch that was still there, he would have assumed she left him.

"I miss them, too." Keele's eyes widened in surprise, but not enough to move and just face her. He remained in his seat, position stiffly still, only a tight clutch of his fingers on the fabric of his robe was the visible change.

She continued. "Meredy only knew Reid and Farah for a short time, but Meredy miss them so so much. I cannot imagine how sad Keele feel now. Keele knew them for a very long time." She paused, sliding so slightly near him, enough to feel his overwhelming pressure. She kept her hands to herself. "You miss Inferia because it is home. But the truth is Inferia is only a part of your home. Reid and Farah, and everyone you love, is home, and they are all in Inferia." She struggled to keep her hands to herself, but she stay glued to her seat.

The way she spoke is utterly outrageous. The construction of her words was too poor. Her grammar was simply but absolutely ridiculous. Yet, in some way, her words struck him right in his chest, hitting him like there's no tomorrow. And worse, he can't seem to stop listening to her. It was like his ears were programmed just to listen to every word she says.

He sensed something bad was going to happen if she kept on speaking.

She quieted for a moment, much to Keele's relief, but a moment was too short of a time for him to recover. She continued on. "And… And now that there is something that will help you go to Inferia, you will see Reid and Farah again. You are going home." Her voice faded with each word. She bowed her head slightly, the very thought of her saddening thoughts taking a toll on her. "Keele is always there when Meredy need help. Meredy become a responsibility to Keele, a very hard one, and Meredy does not want Keele to restrain him from going home. Keele is tied in Celestia for so long now, and this time, there is a way to go back to Inferia." She gave him a sad smile, something he found very outrageous.

"That is where you belong, Keele. It will be alright. You have to go home."

That was enough to make him shake in a mixture of pure and strong emotions; pain, betrayal, and anger.

She was _so wrong_.

"Why do you always have to be like this?" He snapped, much to her surprise. He faced her, his eyes piercing her very image, his fingers uncontrollably shaking. "Why do you always have to say things without thinking? Did you just hear what you just said?"

Her eyes widened. "Keele, I-"

"You want me to go _back_? Do you think it would help me at all?" He slid forward, "After all that had happened, do you think it would be this easy?" He leaned forward, grabbing her by her arms. "This is a different case, Meredy!"

She leaned back, terrified, but her eyes never left his. "I-I was just worried for you!"

"This is bullshit!" He let go of her as he stands, and she followed when he walked away. "Meredy, this is not all about Inferia anymore!"

She furrowed her brows in utter confusion, and she slightly clenched her hand in frustration. "What? But the Craymel Craft-"

"You don't understand me at all!" He burst, and she was cut off, frozen. She was seeing this side of Keele, but she can't seem to look away. He was breaking free from his usually reserved self, and does not hesitate to reveal strong emotions at the moment. She was downright speechless, unable to counterpart such pure feelings.

He continued on, her struggling left unnoticed, "To restrain myself from going home? You, being my responsibility? Tied here in Celestia because of you? I thought you understand me well!"

"I… Keele…" She tried to form coherent words but failed. But this doesn't stop the boy from his rage.

Keele was uncontrollably shaking, something she was worried about, and it looks like he wasn't going to stop sooner. He had to say it all, tell her everything; otherwise he will just pass out due to these strong emotions. "Did you not see what I've seen in the past three years? _You_ are always with _me_. You should have seen it. Otherwise, you must have left it ignored, just like you used to do!-"

"W-what are you talking about…?" She whispered amidst of his ranting.

"-we eat together, we walk together; we've shared the same tent, the same room, the same house; we always see each other, we look out for each other, damnit, we are _always_ together. We've been in each other's care for three long years!"

He turned away in an instant, his knuckles turning white from his tightening fists. Memories of the past came surging forward, unable to stop it and it was beyond his control. His emotions were taking over.

He continued on, his face troubled and was hidden from the girl's sight. "We've also had our fair share of problems!" He started off and he felt his throat tighten. "Do you remember what happened two years ago? You were almost _gone_." He said firmly despite his struggling. "Celestia is a _strange world_, and you've become my guide for so long. So when I almost lost you, I thought it was the end." He stopped for a second, the rush of anger took over him in an instant the moment he started speaking again. "Galenos might have told you what happened, but you didn't witness what I've gone through when you were gone! But I showed you, in _every possible way, _of what've had happened when you came back. I told you in the best way I could explain. And you showed me that you understood! What happened to that?-"

"K-Keele-" She tried to speak, but the boy wouldn't let her.

"-Is it because it's in your nature? That you have to worry more about others, who you, in fact, don't even know, and worry less about yourself? Where did that lead you, huh? I remind you, you were almost _dead_ because of that!"

"I have to-!"

"_You_ don't _have_ to always think about others!" He countered fast. "Especially try to do something that might hurt you just because you want them to be alright! I know, you keep telling me that you love everyone, and that you will do everything to keep them safe," He dared to look straight at her in the eye, and he didn't hesitate to show conviction. "But how about the people who _care_ about _you_? Did you even think about them?"

She stiffened, her eyes widening in response. "There are people who worry about you!" He shouted at her, but she was unmoving. "_I_ worry about you!" He said afterwards, almost sounded like he was pleading for her to understand him, "You're not the only one, Meredy, and you should know how we would feel since you're in the same page!-"

"I just want to help…" She said between his words again. This time he heard her.

"-Just stop involving yourself to others' problems and start thinking about yourself, instead!" He responded really fast that it startled her.

The frown in his face increased, "Because it pains me to see that I've been doing my best to protect you and you just let it go for being too selfless!" He turned his gaze away.

"You keep helping others when the truth is _you're_ the one who _needs help_." The phrase may have been too much because her head snapped forward in astonishment.

This did not help Keele in calming himself, knowing that she proved him right. "Why do you keep giving something that you don't have? Why do you have this strange satisfaction of hurting yourself for the sake of others?" He asked like he was begging, the exhaustion obvious in his voice. He took a step forward and stopped, his eyes casting off a strange gleam." All of this when all I have in this world is you?"

She was beyond surprised. He gave her a bitter smile. "Yes, you have this strange effect on me!" He confessed, not caring if he embarrassed himself in front of her anymore. "Your influence is even too astounding to be true! Too much that three years ago up until now," He continued on, and his gaze never left her. "-images of you back in Vatenkeist, of you almost breaking apart in front of my eyes, kept flashing now and then whenever something bad happens to you." He finally admitted, and he felt like suffocating in an instant. "For three years I've endured it all, all because I don't want to worry you because I keep thinking that you will just collapse one day and never wake up again."

Her lips started to tremble a little.

"You have been a big part of my life till now, that I admit, but _that_ doesn't mean that you have to _tell me what to do_. I may have been too dependent on you, but you just don't decide for my sake!" He took another step forward.

"I am what I am because I decide to do so, and you don't have to decide what's right for me!" He said with much conviction that he didn't even care if his fist bled when it made contact with the wall beside him.

"K-Keele!" She wanted to tend him, but she was frozen in her spot, terrified. Keele visibly shook in his position. "Of all the things that had happened, you're just going to send me back to _Inferia_? Just because of a fucking Craymel Craft? What happened to three years? What happened to these memories? What happened to us? Wait, is there even an 'us' in the first place or it's just me all this time?"

"No!" She firmly countered, the only response she can give him, her tears threatening to fall.

"Then don't tell me what to do!" He snapped. "If you truly understand me, you will let me have my own decisions!"

He punched the wall again, and this time she responded, but only with a step and she stopped herself. Her hands that instinctively reached out to him went to cover her mouth instead, struggling to remain calm and stop herself from bursting into tears.

"You or Inferia? That's my fucking problem!-" He stopped himself, and gave her a bitter laugh, slapping his forehead. "-wait, that's not even the problem anymore!" The act ended rather quickly, and she gave her a piercing stare after.

"I wasn't even this conflicted for the past weeks because I have to choose!" His expression drastically changes in a mixture of pain and frustration that she's never once seen from him.

"But because I know since the _very beginning_-" He clutched the fabric at his chest, tending the painful beating inside. "-that I will always choose _you_!" He finally confessed; his breathing fast and heavy afterwards.

Silence loomed throughout the room, and his confession somewhat decreased the heavy load in his chest. After a while his mind cleared a little, and he's finally aware of her current state. He was surprised by his own outburst the moment he realized the effect of it on her, and the stiffness of his body decreased as he stared at her longer. The strong emotions were washed away, but it was gradually being replaced by utter guilt the longer he sees her. He always hated making her upset, and to see her cry was even worse, and desperation seeped in the moment he realized he was only thinking about her right now. He's in great pain, he should think about himself. Why does he keep thinking about her? Why does he feel this way? Why does he keep pushing these obvious feelings away?

Why does he keep being in denial when it's obvious, anyways?

Something snapped inside of him.

His shoulders slouched in exhaustion. He was so tired, and he just wanted to make things clear. But the very girl in front of him makes the hiding and denial very difficult. He was done with it. He can't keep with the hiding anymore.

He let it go.

He finally moved forward, his façade slowly collapsing. "All this time…" He started off. "All this time I thought I was struggling because I have to choose. I-I thought I was being anxious because I need to choose between two different futures." He said calmly, but his face displays immense pain.

"But then, I'll just have to look at you, and I won't even think about myself anymore." His eyes softened, strangely gleaming, gently but firmly begging her to understand him.

"I've been in denial for so long…" he gave her a bitter and sad smile, his hand placed in his forehead in realization, "…But everything has always been about you."

She was shaking horribly, and he instinctively took a step forward. "Back in Seyfert's Observatory, in Vatenkeist, and three long years up until now, I chose Celestia. I chose Celestia solely because of _you_." He firmly said, wanting to make her understand his point.

"And I wouldn't even hesitate to stay for the rest of my life here if it meant being with you."

A heavy but familiar feeling that he long eliminated 13 years ago struck him in an instant and came crashing down into his systems, struggling to control them especially at the moment. Nonetheless, he kept moving forward, wanting to get near her despite the risks of his vulnerability. "That…" He started off. "That's how much I would do for you." He whispered.

"That's how much you mean to me." He stopped, the gap between them has closed, but no contact has been made.

"That's how much I love you." He firmly confessed.

"So why…" His voice cracked, the wall he had made 13 years ago breaking each second. His throat tightened, his chest clenched, and his vision turned hazy.

"Why are you doing this to me?"

The little barrier that kept him still broke apart.

She didn't hold back anymore. She can't contain herself any longer. She launched forward, her slender arms circling around his neck. He returned the gesture in the same manner, his face burying deep in the crook of her neck. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry…" She chanted between her gasps, her face buried in his shoulder as well. He didn't respond, but the tightening of his embrace each second spoke words for him.

She was explaining things to him, every word leaving a mark within him, and he kept silent. He stayed still, trying to feel her. With this too close of a contact he can feel the entirety of her. She was gasping and speaking between her breaths, her chin placed comfortably on his shoulder. Also, her arms were tightly sealed around his neck, and it seems like she was not going to let go sooner. He didn't mind at all, because he's having trouble letting go of her either.

He was shaking, this time it was toned down, and he was aware of the possibility that she can hear his soft but quick breaths against her clothes. He was also aware that he was putting pressure rather too painfully on her neck, trying to hold down the dampness accumulating, but he was sure she did not mind at all because it's all part of her nature. It was who she was. It goes naturally, and is what Keele loved and hated the most about her

He told himself years ago that he was not going to show this side of him again. He remembered how many times he cursed Reid at the back of his mind every time he calls him a crybaby, or how the others treat him in utter inferiority. He promised himself that Reid's over-confidence and other's belittling of him will serve as an indirect encouragement to raise himself up; to have power only the privileged would possess. He didn't build this barrier inside of him for no reason. He worked hard for it.

It's almost too ridiculous to think that his efforts were being tossed away shamelessly all because of her.

He admitted that he was ashamed to show her this side of him; the side he had hidden for 13 long years. But he can't deny the fact that it felt better, extremely better, that he could care less. She was unique anyways, and she made him feel things he did not even expected to feel while he's still alive. And for him, although it lacks logical calculations, it was reasonable enough. He needed this too much that he knew he was being selfish, but he knew she understands. She finally understands. And that was enough.

"We will always be together, no matter what." It's been decided since the very beginning.

To be with her. That's where he truly belongs.

* * *

**FIN**

* * *

Oh gosh thank you for reading this very long story! That was so patient of you, and very impressive. Btw, I have some new clarifications to explain that may answer some of your questions while you read the story.

1\. This story is in somewhat Keele's point of view. Yeah, you read it right, SOMEWHAT. This may be written in 3rd person, but the lack of mentioning Meredy's name is on purpose. It's because I want to emphasize how she influences his thoughts and feelings to the extent that it was even painful just to say her name. I'll cut the crap, I just wanna be dramatic.

2\. Yes, three years. Quite long but it makes sense.

3\. I'm glad if you understood well why this is T rated. Well for those of you who do not, then let me explain it to you. Well, first of all, this story mainly focused on Keele's perspective, and how he endured the pain of almost losing someone he loves or the conflict of choosing his home. I also mentioned his trauma, and the almost hopeless approach of his. This is somewhat a topic of depression, and depression is a serious matter to me, so I have to do it. Why not M rated? I'm a teen myself. If you have other opinions, it was fine. I just want to express mine, as well.

4\. Why didn't Meredy collapse during Keele's ranting? Aside from changing the story drastically (lol), Meredy was aware of what happened to Keele during her absence, and understands why he acted that way. It was 'part of her nature' that she worries about others before herself, and it was indicated above that the cause of her comatose was _her sadness_, not his. Oh, I hope you understand.

5\. If there are any readers around, you can tell me if I should write an epilogue. I was having doubts with the ending, but it just made sense to end it that way though. But if you ever have something in mind, feel free to tell me!

Again, thank you for reading!


End file.
